In all relating at its essence is the sacred breath, the dance of in and out. The breath in of connection, synergy, merging, union. The breath out of separation and duality. Whether the relationship is with the moment, with god/goddess, with the inner beloved or outer beloved there is a natural rhythm and cycle of connection and separation, oneness and duality, formlessness and form, fullness and emptiness.
Through the mystery of separation we come to know ourselves and the other more deeply. We cannot experience one without the other. This is the paradox of love, the tension of union and separation. Our hearts longing guides us to union and oneness and the breath out allows us to take love’s truths into embodiment and expression in the world of duality.
When we are wounded at either or both poles of connection and separation, we swing unconsciously between each pole disconnected from our centre. Love’s breath in and out becomes constricted. We may experience pain and suffering in the breath in and out or be disconnected and numb with armoured protection.
Instead of merging and melting into oneness, the breath in becomes a place of terror and fear of being smothered, engulfed, annihilated. And so we put up walls and armour our heart and we become avoiding and unavailable. The origin of this wound is usually childhood enmeshment with a parent who uses the child to get their needs met and so the child learns it is not safe to love as they will be overwhelmed and engulfed and lose or not develop a sense of self. This can be expressed through excessive attention, smothering, needy love or expectations, over monitoring, agendas and criticism.
The other pole is wounding around the breath out. Instead of separating with ease as a natural rhythm in the dance of life it becomes a place of terror and fear of abandonment and betrayal. The origin of this wound is when we experience lack of attention, neglect and unavailability from a parent. The child learns it is not safe to separate or be separate, it is a place of pain and suffering. This expresses as a fear of abandonment and our behaviour towards others becomes needy and clingy.
People may carry wounding at each pole and it can express differently in different relationships. And quite often what is under the fear of closeness is a greater fear of abandonment. And what is under a fear of abandonment, which doesn’t have to be felt with unavailable partners, is a fear of closeness and engulfment.
As we come more into the heart and aware of the breath in, we can open through the fear of intimacy and annihilation by source/god/divine/existence all the way and free this pole and connect it with our centre.
As we come more into the heart and aware of the breath out, we can open though the fear of abandonment and stay present, available and connected with ourselves. We can feel the core wounding of abandonment and betrayal by source/god/divine/existence all the way and free this pole and connect it with our centre.
Freeing the poles within ourselves and opening through the layers of armour, we can open into a place of more authentic relating. We can open into deep connection and intimacy without being afraid of being smothered or abandoned and we can separate and remain open without needing to cut off, or cling. We can authentically relate from an open heart attuned to the natural rhythm of loves unfolding and the natural rhythm of the soul, the sacred breath of in and out.